"WTF is that s'possed to mean O_o"

i JUST realized how lost in life i am . the awkward thing is im fine with it  and i accept it . which , if im correct, is not the healthiest thing for me right now. i think im on the brink of no return [i lied im not] . i want sooo many things in life and yet i dont try to achieve/get/obtain said things. i want but dont try ..... . Sometimes i dont even know why im alive ... im NOT suicidal im just thinking like what am i doing? truthfully i dont know what to do with my self ... this is a secret but truthfully i dont know what i wanna be when i grow up and i dont even wanna grow up . its like a peter pan reaction. i like hanging out with my friends and being in high school . i guess im just afraid to grow up ? Nope i lied i DONT WANT TO grow up . its a nasty thing to do its quite gross and risky ...   but said like riskaay. i wish i could stay 15 FOREVER. ! Even though im 14 right now i wanna be 15 ? yes! hahaaa..ha. but sadly scientist havent cured this horrible disease of "growing up" :|